the long and winding road

had a scary dream about mom last night. i'm sure it's because i sat next to her at dinner and her altzheimer's is getting worse. she does repeat herself a lot and she gets belligerent over the silliest things. my sister was at the end of the table but sort of at another booth in the restaurant and my mother insisted she get a chair even though gail was perfectly happy...well, we got her a chair to make mom happy. that's the road we're traveling as a family now. whatever it is, if it makes her happy--just do that. my heart aches for my dad. he's with her all the time and so a night out with everyone is as much for him as anyone else. you should see him with her, though. he's so tender and sweet--i never saw him that way when we were little. he's perfect. i know daughters feel that way about their daddies but i'm speaking as objectively as i can...if you met him, you'd agree. by the end of dinner i had decided that it would be someone else's turn to sit next to mom next time we were all together....and then, after my dream woke me up, i decided i would endeavor to sit next to her every time we were together. if all i have to do is listen to someone repeat herself a dozen times and get a little cranky, i guess that's not too hard to bear. what kind of a selfish daughter am i, anyway? i know, of course, that there will be more to do and harder things to see as my family travels down this road but, for now, we are stopping to smell the roses along the way and love each other as best we can.